The One with the First

Being a parent to a toddler is a wonderful thing. All those firsts I can experience with him and through his eyes. I hope it won't wear off any time soon and the firsts of the second and third child would amaze me all the same. 

Two nights ago I was watching a movie and was about to go to bed when I heard the 'tap tap tap' of his bare tiny feet on the floor. So we watched the movie cuddled together and then we danced in his dark room lit by the oh-so-bright almost full moon. His warm hands holding my neck, his head resting comfortably on my shoulder. We just danced and swirled and singed quietly. Perfect moment I didn't want to end even though I was exhausted and my eyes begged me for some rest.
"Mommy, how does the Moon move?" - he asked quietly.  So we went into a story about Earth movements and the Sun while we turned and swirled and laughed.

Last week he started the pre-school. We had gazillion conversations about it to prepare him for this big step. He already knew the place or at least the playground as it's located only three houses down the road and we often went there in the Summer. To make the experience even more fun I sewed him Dora's backpack completed with a map telling him how to get there. (pattern will be available soon on www.dloobanko.blogspot.com as soon as I can get my scanner to work)

We packed his giraffe there in case of emergency hug and off we went. As we had a massive come back of separation anxiety lately due to me coming back to work I was worried about leaving him there. Well, he had his own vision of it. As always. He just entered the playroom, grabbed the tractor (which is by far his favorite, right?) and that was it. No kiss, no wave, no 'bye Mom', no tears. Just ... nothing. We came back home - big, empty and ringing with silence and I just burst into tears. Never thought it would be so difficult. To let him go, cut the umbilical cord, trust someone else to take care of my sweet boy.

Only yesterday he was this teeny tiny sloth sleeping all day long on my chest. I blinked and he's a pre-schooler now. What's next? I blink again and he's married?

I wanted to take him home after two hours max but M said we should leave him at least till the soup at 11am. I didn't know what to do with myself so I invited my neighbor Mary (mum of Tiger's best friend) for a coffee to take my mind of it. Her older boy was already a third-year pre-schooler so she had all of it behind her. She went there after us and when Tiger saw her boy he ran towards him yelling happily "Look, I'm here too". When we went there to take him home he was so excited and happy, showing me everything and telling about his day. "I ate soup, Mom. All by myself". I could tell by the amount of it he had on his shirt. The rest of the week was the same. On the fifth day the headmistress told me that I had an amazing boy, so happy and serene. He wants to do everything by himself and when other kids starts the crying chain reaction he never joins them. I was so proud. I may have  swelled to the size of a flying balloon.

This week he's staying home as he already caught the cold bug. The joys of the pre-school. 

The One With the L Word

I've been waiting patiently for them for so long, wondering how would he do it? Would he be in the middle of playing and drop them like a rock he was playing with? Carelessly, like no biggy? Or would he be crying and yell them out of the sadness and desperation? Or maybe he would use them against me trying to win me over and having it his way?

It turned out I was wrong all the way and didn't know my little boy at all.

Him, being his usual sweet self has chosen the quiet moment when there was just two of us. No witness of another most happy moment of our lives. He was already chatting to Morpheus, settled in his bed. The night lamp glowing gently in the corner, lullaby whispered quietly in the background. He was still tossing and turning trying to find that perfect position and still asking for a gazillion time "mama, you know what?" when out of a sudden he reached across, grabbed my hand, squishing his little face into it and whispered the most precious words in the world " I love you mama. I love you. You're such a darling". 

My heart has melted and dripped to the floor in million droplets, each one reverberating with his tiny voice saying those words.  

The One with the Morning

So, these days I spend my days trying to memorize useless facts and definitions for my Saturday exam. It got me question why did I wanted to get my MA in first place. I believe the answer is "I seriously though I would get bored being  at home with a toddler". 

I must have been under the wrong impression (like most of the men are) that phrase "staying at home with a child (or more acurate its Polish translation which is sitting at home" has anything to do with sitting. Or standing. Whoever has a toddler knows what I'm talking about. 

These days it's running after your toddler as he is so fast on his pedalless bike it's incredible. 

Last night I stayed up late in an attempt to memorize the characteristics of a written and spoken language and some something or other hoping for some good morning sleep. Rrrright. I must have forgotten to inform Tigger about my plans as he woke up at 3.30AM. No comment to that. 

"Mama, hat -he said pointing at the window -I want outside"

" no sweety, it's still dark. It's nighttime pumpkin. Go back to sleep" 

And he tried, bless his soul. He tossed and turned and cuddled. Until 4am. Sharp. When all the birds just got up and started to chirp. Honestly. Do they have an alarm clock or something? Not 4:05, not even 3:56. But 4:00. It was enough for Tigger to get up, look at the world lighting outside and start the pleading. 

"Mama, outside. Look, it's day now"  yes, he started to use all the syllables available and even composing some sentences. 

Well, my eyelids begged to differ and didn't want to open. Tigger, discouraged by lack of cooperation on my side walked straight to his Grandpa's bedroom and that was all I saw of him for the next three hours.  Thanks Daddy. 

Oh and I've ordered my wedding dress.  It's getting sewn that very minute. Exciting.  I guess it's getting real now

The One with Terriffic Two

Spending time with his absolutely BF

Lunch tastes better when eaten in swimming goggles

Wanting to run just like Mommy

Mischievious

He was driving his scouter and decided that his car needed an extra bit of attention as he might have been lonely without him driving it. So he cuddled it and apologized. 

Being cute. Simple

Playing telephone with Daddy

Photobombing my culinary shots

I'm in love.  Toddlerhood is such an amazing time. Difficult and exhausting, for both of us, but so rewarding.

Terrible Twos, whoever invented this term didn't like his child. Here, in the Hundred Acre Woods, we prefer the term Terrific Twos. Yes, he screams, and lays on the floor, and try every possible thing to get his way but that's all part of learning process right? 

He's like a toddler with PMS: he's moody, hormonal, temperamental, unpredictable (finally we, women can understand what our men have to go through with us). It must be so difficult for him. So many things he wants to try, see, learn, taste, get, express and he's surrounded by these giants who do not speak his language or don't have enough time to stop and listen to whatever he wants to say. 

Imaging your own frustration when learning new language. You've seen an amazing movie or something incredible happened and you're so eager to tell someone all about it but you're lacking vocabulary. So you do your best to convey the message, your arms hurt from gesturing and your interlocutor just shrug his shoulders dismissing your story. Wouldn't you get just a tiny bit angry?

That's the story with toddlers. I try to respect this little man and give him as much of my attention as I can, repeating after him to ensure I understood well, exclaiming to show him I share his passion. And sometimes just letting him scream. 

The other day we were cueing in the shop and he decided he HAD to leave the shop, coz, you know, cueing is BORING (like I don't know). I grabbed his hand firmly explaining we had to pay first. Oh, the tantrum. He gave us full package with screaming and kicking on the floor. I got that, but I was the parent there and he had to understand that. I couldn't care less for THE looks we got from the customers. 

Yes, I have the toddler. And no, he does not misbehave so stop staring at us like that. I got to his eye level and told him we would leave as soon as we have paid so if he wanted us to be out the door faster he could help me pack the items into the bag or hold the money while I did that. And he did. He helped me and even smiled at the lady behind the cash register. 

See? My baby is not that bad as you have thought.

It's not easy to cope with his tantrums or when he refuses to eat after I slaved all morning to prepare his favorite meal. But anger doesn't get me anywhere. He just wants a bit of control over his life and that's the only thing he can control. 

But the positive sides of the toddlerhood are so amazing.

He's temperamental and emotional, yes, but that means he shows the emotions. When he runs towards me just to touch my legs, or stands in front of me asking "Mama, hands, want cuddle" and he finds that spot on my shoulder that fits his head perfectly. What can be better then that? Or he takes my hand and presses it against his cheek sighting with a delight "Ahhhhhhhh". Or when he says "hi. Mama. Me. I'm. Adam." the way it sounds like every words is a separate sentence. And he repeats that gazillion times per day. Or the way he wakes me up, coming to our bedroom and touching gently my cheek saying "Mama, mamaaaaaaa come" and extending his hand to take him down to the kitchen for b'fast. Or just jumping under the duvet and snuggling so close. His favorite expression these days must be "I don't know. Mama"

I try to cherish all these moments and remember them for later. For the imminent arrival of the adolescence. When I won't be his best friend anymore. He won't have time for cuddles, and stories. 

So yes, despite the difficult moments or maybe even because of them I. Am. Absolutely. And. Totally. In. Love. With. My. Toddler

The End

the One with Pre-Schooler

i have a pre-schooler at home. the results are in and Tigger got a place. How is that possible? Only yesterday he was too tiny to lift is head. the whole 2,15kilos and now he needs to go to (pre)school? What's next? I blink twice and he's getting married? I'm not ready for this.

The One With Stock Taking

We're still at my parents' where the only rule is: there's no rule. It usually my Dad who puts Adam for a nap. Tonight Adam was rather too energetic to go to sleep so Dad used his bare legs as a track for a plastic bus. Adam loved it so much that he nearly fell asleep right there.

I found this stock taking on this blog and loved it. Especially with the New Year and all. So here we go...

Making : another quiet book for my little boy. It takes ages as my MA is getting in its way
Cooking : nothing. This week we're crashing at my Mum's and she's doing all the cooking for us
Drinking : endless see of tea. And blackcurrent juice from her pantry
Reading: a book on economy. Not my choice though. 440 pages of boring stuff for school.
Wanting: the mid-term exams to be over and passed
Looking: at my little boy and wondering when did he get so grown up
Playing: on the floor, helping him getting his cars from imaginary mud
Wasting: time writing paper on Sino-Japanese tetrads
Sewing: felt finger puppets of Piglet, Tigger, Rabbit and Winnie the Pooh
Wishing: to get a night of interrupted sleep
Enjoying: this extra time with my parents
Waiting: for Adam to fall asleep
Liking: the way Adam  brushes my skin after he bumped into me, blows at it and gives me a kiss
Wondering: when I will hear the very first "I love you" from my son
Loving: the growing relationship between my two boys. It good to have M at home all the time
Hoping: for an early Spring
Marvelling: at the speed Adam is doing 20-piece puzzle
Needing: new monile with good camera
Smelling: pancaces with cheese my Mum makes right now
Wearing: PJs
Following: the triathlon training plan
Noticing: how squicky the floor boards are. Especially when Adam is sleeping
Knowing: that it's going to snow over the weekend. It always does on my Uni weekends
Thinking: about my Granny
Feeling: tired, happy, loved
Bookmarking: my new Gu cookbook
Opening: my eyes to see the most beautiful genuine smile
Giggling: constantly

The One with... Letter to My Baby

" I can hear your heart beating"

To my Son, sleeping quietly in his crib, with his face buried in the softness of his best giraffy friend.

Thank you.

For brightening my life with your laughs and giggles
For putting everything into right perspective
For teaching me to notice the smallest bug hidden in the grass
For filling my days with books and crawling and silliness
For showing me how big the smallest things can be
For wet kisses and late night cuddles
For waking me up with the soft brush of your warm hand on my cheek
For just being YOU

I hope to be a mother you need
I hope to be able to show you how beautiful the world is
I hope to help you become the man you want to be
I hope one day you turn around and say "This is my Mum" with the same pride I can say now "This is my Son"

Love

Your Mum

The One With the Stars

My sweet boy is napping (how many more of these do we have left?), my Mum is making a delicious luch for us and I'm trying to memorise all 256 words from English Banking and Economy. 

Last night when I was cycling home I could admire beautiful sky full of stars and Moon. That's the advantage of living in the country, few street lamps = amazing night sky.  I just though: "Adam would love this"   That's the most frequently thought and said phrase recently. Even though, very often Adi couldn't give a monkey about that. But this time he did. Just before bedtime, after reading for a gazzillionth time "Where's the cake?" and "Tadek's tractor" we turned off the lights and stared in awe at the blackness of the night sky lit with small bright points of stars. 

"Moo, moo" he said pointing at the crescent shape (yep, still at first-syllable-onlyfigure-it-out-what-I-meant stage). 

I never thought moderhood would be so rewarding. The discoveries of the most mundane of things. For him and for myself too.

The One With: swimming pool and Happy Monday

I took Adam to the swimming pool yesterday. It was really ad hoc as my sis called me 2 hours earlier saying they were going and asking if we wanted to come along. Sure thing we wanted. Although M prefered to cycle in the rain instead. Suit yourself then. Adam loved it. He's a sharkie, this little boy. Splashing and all that stuff. He spent most of the time in the shallow pool playing with his new rubber friends. And he absolutely adored jaccuzzi. Can't blame him, really. 

He still has trouble sleeping at night. He wakes up, usually once, and it takes him up to 2hrs to go back to sleep. Can't find the solution to that. But I love morning Adam. He comes to our room ( I pretend to be asleep) , stands next to our bed and either stands there silently waiting for me to wake up or he puts his warm hand on my cheek. Really, really softly. I open my eyes, look at him and there it is. The sweetest, most genuine smile that lightens up his entire face. Pure happiness only because he sees me and I'm awake. "Hey" I say "Good Morning". "Hey" he sais back. Usually I get the morning kiss as well. It's such a treat. To be a Mama of this clever, sweet boy. 

I had to run away again today as my exams starts on Saturday and I'm so behind with the material. He went for a walk with M and I cycled to my Mum's. It was good to actually do something sportswise. Winter is really good to us this year. January and we have +10C instead of -15. I'm so out of shape, I realised. It's going to be hard work, the next 7months leading to my very first triathlon. So looking forward to it. 

Happy Monday everyone out there

The One with Studying, Running and Playing

Tigger woke up at 6 this morning. after sleeping through the night. I guess it's better than waking up between 3 and 5am and then sleeping till 8-9 which totally disrupts our daily routine. By 8.30 I was already having breakfast after ... wait for it.... nice 2 -mile jog in the forest. Yes, I did it. I started my running year. Well, the triathlon won't run itself, so I better start preparing.  I was racing a doe. For 2 seconds, that is. and then she was gone.

So I'm trying to study, right? Last Summer I told myself that next time (meaning now) I will start studying waaaay sooner and not the last week before the exams. Rrrrright. How could I possibly do that with Christmas and New Year and Grandma's b'day? Impossible, right? Thanks Heavens for my parents who are helping me immensely. I just leave Mr Tigger with them knowing that he's well fed and rested and spends some quality time instead of just being on his own (meaning playing on his own). Like he knows how to do that <chuckles>. He used to be pretty good at it, the independent play, but recently everything is funnier with Mama <proud> <exhausted>. 

So today I just run away and hid next door at Grandma's house. She was happy to have company, even the silent one, and I had few undisturbed hours for myself. It was good, I managed to revise the vocabulary (it turned out I already know 40% of it) and read one chapter of incredibly boring book on economy. Then we had a nice chat with Grams over a cup of tea. 

This morning we played hide and seek. He told me to hide in his toy house and closed his eyes. I looked like Alice after drinking growing potion. My feet sticking out. And then we played a game invented by Tigger. He put his hand on my forehead and push me slightly telling me to lie down on the carpet and then he closed his eyes several times showing me to do the same. So I did. He sat on a stool next to me and we just sat-lied like that, in silence, for several minutes. Explanation: I was "sleeping" and he was watching over me. Apparently it's Grandpa's favorite game. I do understand why. After a while he quietly came close to me and ....

- Boooohoooooo!!!!!

I jumped which sent him into a fits of the giggles. Mischievous little rascal

The One with the Sentimental Mummy

It was Sunday evening. I was walking home after spending weekend away at University in Warsaw. I was exhausted after so many hours of listening and taking notes and remembering the stuff I wanted to forget the minute I heard them. And 2,5hr bus ride.
The village was so quiet and deserted. It brought back the memories of the times when I was maybe 6 or 7 and The Dynasty was on. Every Sunday at 5pm there would be no one on the streets. Entire village were glued to the TVs watching the intrigues between Crystal Carrington and Alexis. 

The snow was quietly falling down on the iced pavement and crunching beneath my feet. If I'd stay still I could probably hear the snowflakes landing. I looked at our house, warm light seeping through the living room window, my little boy probably playing with his new train set inside and I felt pure happiness. I had a place I could call "home". There were people waiting for me inside, with a hot dinner and a cup of tea ready to warm my cold hands. And most of all, there was this little man whose face would lit up when he sees me, saying "Mama" in this tiny, sweet voice of his. Warm, soft arms would wrap around my legs and wouldn't let go.

Later on, when I was putting him to bed he pointed to the pillow next to his saying:" Mama, here". "You want me to lay next to you?' I asked. 'uhm' he smiled. Then he grabbed my hand and laid his cheek on it forcing me to kneel next to his bed. I had no choice but to put my head next to his. And we just laid there, with one eye buried in the pillow, staring at each other with the other eye, our noses almost touching. 'Mama.Adam' he kept repeating happy that I was so close to him. I stayed like that until he's eyelids become too heave to keep them up. Slowly I retreated my numb hand from underneath him and left the room. I left the door ajar and watched him falling asleep. The most beautiful sight in the world.

I left my little boy at my parents' today hoping to get some stuff done while I'm alone. I despise these exams. They rob me from that precious time I could be spending with my little boy and no, I do not feel any wiser. I know I will forget all of it as soon as I put the pen down after the last exam is finished. 

The One with Sleeping Under the Christmas Tree

We're staying at my Mum's. Tigger and me. I'm studying to some preposterous mid-term exams and his playing with Grandparents. Going through some reading assignments (i.e. something about the Chinese grammar) I just wonder what the heck is actually my major. Well, I won't win with the system so better just do it right? Anyway... Putting my Nugget to sleep wasn't an easy task. It never is. this little man just hates sleeping and I really mean hates it. since he was a wee thing he would fight with all his might to stay awake. He sill does. He just wants to stay with me. I don't blame him. I like to stay with him as well, but hey little man, you do need to charge your batteries or you will make our lives pretty miserable. 

He's sleeping in a room with the Christmas Tree. I remember being little girl (I was maybe 4 or 5) used to love to sleep under the tree. I would take my fav pillow, the one my Mum made for me when I was born (still have it and it travels with me everywhere I go. Fiance thinks it looks awful, which it does but I love it too much. It just has the perfect shape, and fits my head and it's always cold which is THE best), and my monkey and I would just lay under the tree and look at the lights and fall asleep. It looked like Tigger wanted to do exactly the same. My boy. He just laid on the floor and refused to be moved. So I put some extra blankets there and laid with him, his warm, soft hand in mine, stroking his hair and telling him the adventures of a little yellow tractor (obviously it had to be a tractor these days). I felt like that 5 year old again. I looked at my sleeping boy, so peaceful and content and couldn't believe his actually mine. How did you get there? 

And today he just surprised me with drawing this perfect little tractor. all by himself. Not too bad for two year old huh? I am very proud Mummy today.